It's been a while since I blogged anything.
Historically I've just rambled on and not provided any photos, I'll try to do better this time!
Last blog post was about how YOU have a valued opinion and a part to play in this community. Our community is far reaching and varied and spills over into other communities, and what I have to say tonight kinda follows on from this theme.
For those who have been paying attention, my husband, myself and a few good souls have brought an event back to life and after plenty of long evenings of preparation, chasing for answers and eventually a lot of running around and a few good stories the weekend came and went ....and so did a few guys at GearBlast:UK :P
Alongside all of this I was honoured to be hosting a couple of friends who had travelled from Australia and the United States staying with us for 15 and 11 days respectively but whilst they were here, I felt so very comfortable and accepted.
This, as it turns out was an over-riding theme amongst many who attended GearBlast:UK, many felt they discovered something new about themselves and that this fetish venue wasn't as intimidating, nor the guys who turned up to be judgemental at all. This is exactly the kind of thing we were hoping for, but never expected.
One thing I do really appreciate is how many genuinely decent guys we met for the first time and hoping it won't be the last, my regrets total three for GBUK. One that I didn't bring it back sooner, second that I didn't manage to make it 100% for everyone (always room for improvement) and third, that I didn't have enough time to spend with everyone.
I didn't get a lot of a chance to enjoy it myself but even so here I am on the far right (pup in Hockey gear) with a few other pups.
I'm not here to talk about that weekend though ...surprisingly..oh okay a little bit. This post is more about the events and feelings which began the weekend which followed. It became one of the best I've had in a long time.
In addition to my husband, GadgetAU and RocketPup, we also had Rubbot, S10Boi and Rubberwulf over for the weekend for some rubbery fun whilst Rocket was still in the country and what a weekend it was. Sorry we couldn't accommodate anyone else, I'm seriously not trying to rub it in.
I'm not sure if what happened to me was planned or whether it was the specific influences that were present at the time, but I found myself letting go...
Letting go of my human inhibitions,
As per the previous weekend I was in full rubber a few times, in fact I enjoyed Rubber, Leather, rubber under leathers and rubber again, and leather again, but the one time I was in rubber and allowed to wear RocketPup's Wet-Hot Puppy Hood is where I managed to achieve (for me at least) the elusive pupspace.
Despite my reputation, photos, stories and many conversations with various people I have only managed to get into the pup mindset once or twice. I didn't know it happened, or how it happened but it has renewed my love of pup play and I want to do it again.
I have come to some realisation in the last few days of what I really want, and what I can really provide personally as I think being pretty established within this community, onlookers who dont' ask the questions can easily make assumptions.
I'm not a Top, an Alpha, Sir, Master or even an expert on the fetishes that I participate in, I'm certainly not an expert and am just learning my craft, learning about myself and what I enjoy.
My preferred role is submissive, Pup, Gimp, Drone, Toy, Object, Biker...
I can and often do top guys, and I enjoy doing it for those who have imagination and a devious mind, so I guess you could call me a switch, but that is an essential for me - that I feel my effort, enthusiasm and imagination can be reciprocated.
This has always been the case though, it's just that my recent revelation has been that I can indulge in this side of me fully without wanting to be in control or having input into what happens as well, and for that I am eternally grateful.
The key to all this? Allowing my friends to look after me, not having any expectations and trusting fully that they know my limits and how to get the best from their plaything. I hope to enjoy this side of me more and more but something I do need help with is my pup side.
Being so prominently 'pup' online I get put on a pedestal and others try to emulate me. I know this, not because I'm big headed, but because I've been told as much by many. Though I have fun in gear (and that gear usually involves a pup hood) the headspace isn't there, I can pretend to be cute or sexy, playful, naughty etc, but more often than not, it's playing up for the lens....camera whore that I am.
It's not to say the scenes you see in photos are staged, but the 'look' is acted to a degree, it's still me and it'd be tough to tell the difference considering I'm always wearing some kind of mask or hood, but for me it's not genuine...I wish it were....very much so.
The weekend following GearBlastUK, pupspace was real in my head, I have no way to explain it other than it felt right, I didn't think about the gear, or my human body, or anything that was said to me, I just wanted to sniff things, licking people and happily wagging my tail, not thinking about what happens next.
This has got me thinking, and after talking with my husband I've decided to start looking for a trainer. Not an owner, because my heart belong to my husband and I will never love anyone else, though I have love for my closest friends both in real life and online.
Previously I thought I could do things for myself, but I think right now I really need a handler or trainer to help me get the best from my pup side, maybe I can help other pups grow in time but first I need to keep developing this part of my personality.
Some of this I can pick up from other pups who visit, but I know that I need some discipline to be able to develop, and dominance to ensure I follow it and enjoy it. I guess there may be some guys who might suggest they would fit the part. Consider first that I am still human and the first part of accepting training is respect. If you don't keep my respect as a human it's unlikely you'll meet the pup.
The key to all this? Allowing my friends to look after me, not having any expectations and trusting fully that they know my limits and how to get the best from their plaything. I hope to enjoy this side of me more and more but something I do need help with is my pup side.
Being so prominently 'pup' online I get put on a pedestal and others try to emulate me. I know this, not because I'm big headed, but because I've been told as much by many. Though I have fun in gear (and that gear usually involves a pup hood) the headspace isn't there, I can pretend to be cute or sexy, playful, naughty etc, but more often than not, it's playing up for the lens....camera whore that I am.
It's not to say the scenes you see in photos are staged, but the 'look' is acted to a degree, it's still me and it'd be tough to tell the difference considering I'm always wearing some kind of mask or hood, but for me it's not genuine...I wish it were....very much so.
The weekend following GearBlastUK, pupspace was real in my head, I have no way to explain it other than it felt right, I didn't think about the gear, or my human body, or anything that was said to me, I just wanted to sniff things, licking people and happily wagging my tail, not thinking about what happens next.
This has got me thinking, and after talking with my husband I've decided to start looking for a trainer. Not an owner, because my heart belong to my husband and I will never love anyone else, though I have love for my closest friends both in real life and online.
Previously I thought I could do things for myself, but I think right now I really need a handler or trainer to help me get the best from my pup side, maybe I can help other pups grow in time but first I need to keep developing this part of my personality.
Some of this I can pick up from other pups who visit, but I know that I need some discipline to be able to develop, and dominance to ensure I follow it and enjoy it. I guess there may be some guys who might suggest they would fit the part. Consider first that I am still human and the first part of accepting training is respect. If you don't keep my respect as a human it's unlikely you'll meet the pup.
I hope that i find the right trainer for me to help me explore and learn more about my body and mind in pup mode. I think it's exciting and theraputic to indulge in it.
Right I think I've rambled off enough of my thoughts for one night.
I should add that if you want to see photos from GearBlastUK 2014 follow the link to Flickr on the first image. If you want to buy merchandise please go to gearblastuk.myshopio.com and if you fancy coming next year bookmark this link www.gearblast.co.uk or send me an email (link on the homepage) asking to be added to the mailing list!
Hope you enjoyed reading this insight into my little big headed indulgent little world, hope I haven't steered anyone wrong in the past or offended anyone in my present, I certainly hope to expand my future! *wags n lixx*
~Boots
Right I think I've rambled off enough of my thoughts for one night.
I should add that if you want to see photos from GearBlastUK 2014 follow the link to Flickr on the first image. If you want to buy merchandise please go to gearblastuk.myshopio.com and if you fancy coming next year bookmark this link www.gearblast.co.uk or send me an email (link on the homepage) asking to be added to the mailing list!
Hope you enjoyed reading this insight into my little big headed indulgent little world, hope I haven't steered anyone wrong in the past or offended anyone in my present, I certainly hope to expand my future! *wags n lixx*
~Boots
